I have a crush - it seems a bit silly to use this phrase at this age but what is the alternative? I have a liking for a man, I am interested in a man, perhaps the I am interested in a man will suffice! Regardless of how I say this, it does not change the fact that these feelings exist. I would love to be able to tell you that this person knows God passionately and that he likes me too but both of these statements are not true at this time. He is currently exploring Christianity and has asked many questions about dating someone who is not Christian. He was not asking these questions directly to me but to a group during a bible study.
Before knowing Jesus, I would have worked so hard to manipulate a situation like this, even going so far as to sexualize the environment (I am still a little ashamed to admit) while he is around because that is one of the things I learned from my upbringing - females are there to meet males' needs. This mentality often resulted in me being devoid of any sort of personality. I did not know what I liked or did not like and if I did like something I was afraid to say it because I thought that the essence of being female around males was to meet their needs and agree with whatever they said. I am thankful that God has changed this and He has renewed my mind and revealed to me unhealthy belief systems that I carried and not only revealed them but healed them. He is so good!
So what to do when faced with a crush, interest, or liking for someone? Let God be the author of your love story and in the meantime interact with that individual in a way that is glorifying and pleasing to Him. If God has placed marriage on your heart, He is going to author your story around this, whatever that looks like. It can be incredibly difficult to surrender, to let go and let God especially when it comes to things we so badly want and desire. I definitely thought I would have been married and have children by this point but I can honestly say that by the grace of God that has not come to fruition yet. If I had married the people I dated, even people I dated earlier this year it most likely would have been a very difficult marriage.
God really protects and provides for us and discerns for us when we are unable to discern for ourselves whether or not we should be with a certain person. God has stepped into my dating life so many times and rescued me from drowning. Sometimes I did not think that I needed rescuing, sometimes I was unaware of how far I had swum out or how close I was to a strong current that would have pulled me down. He pulled me to shore each and every time, so faithful and great is He. I am able to look back in every rescue operation and say to myself – “oh there that current was and wow I was really far out from shore.” After each of these rescue operations, I learn a little more from and about God, I am a little better prepared and equipped to try swimming again and ultimately step into the wife role I so desire someday. God willing.
My prayer for you is that your eyes are open to seeing what God has done in your love story, what He is doing in it right now and that a commitment is made to turn that story over to Him. He is more than capable, He knows what you need/want perhaps even more than you do but mostly He loves you more than you might love yourself. When we love ourselves little we start compromising on what we think we deserve – God does not play this game, He loves us so much that He wants us to live a blessed, abundant, and joyous life. Just as it is in my best interest to trust and surrender my love story to a God who loves me more than I love myself most times, perhaps this is in your best interest too. Just take a moment, close your eyes, take a deep breath and give your love life to God. Now let it all go. You are ok, you are loved, He’s got you.
